By Jen Keay Therapy. Counselling in Telford and online.
Finding a therapist can feel surprisingly overwhelming. There are many profiles to read, different types of therapy to make sense of, and plenty of advice about what you “should” be looking for. It can quickly become confusing.
There isn’t a perfect formula for choosing the right therapist. What matters most is not the wording on a profile or the number of qualifications listed. What matters is whether you feel safe enough to talk, understood enough to continue, and steady enough to begin opening up.
Beginning with a conversation
Most therapists offer an initial consultation. Booking one does not mean you are committing to therapy. It is simply a gentle first step. A space to talk, ask questions, and get a sense of how it feels to be in conversation together.
During that first interaction, you might notice small but important things. Do you feel listened to? Does the therapist allow space for you to think and breathe, or does the conversation feel rushed? Is there a sense of calm in the room, even if you are feeling nervous?
Often, it is these subtle moments that tell you more than any description ever could.
Giving yourself permission to speak to more than one therapist
It is completely okay to speak to two or three therapists before deciding. This is your space, your time, and your investment in yourself. You are allowed to choose carefully.
As you reflect, you may notice who you felt most at ease with. Perhaps one person felt grounded and genuine. Perhaps someone listened in a way that felt careful and considered. You might ask yourself who encouraged you gently, rather than directing you, and who you sensed you could be honest with, even about the parts that feel difficult to share.
Therapy is relational work. The relationship itself is part of the healing. It needs to feel safe enough for you to bring your whole self into the room – even if that’s over time.
Listening to what happens afterwards
Many people worry about what will happen in those first sessions. You do not need to prepare a script or organise your thoughts into something polished. Therapy is not about performing or presenting the best version of yourself.
Part of my role is to help you gently explore what feels important. We can take time to understand what has brought you here, to notice what sits beneath the surface, and to find language for feelings that may have felt confusing or hard to express. We work at a pace that feels manageable for you.
You only need to show up as you are.
If you are waiting to feel ready
When the call ends, take a moment to notice how you feel. Your body often gives you clearer information than your thoughts do.
You might feel a little lighter, calmer, or quietly relieved. You may notice a sense of hope, or a feeling that this person could support you. On the other hand, you might feel tense, unsettled, or slightly dismissed.
There is no right or wrong reaction, but these responses matter. They can guide you more reliably than any checklist.
Considering approach and values
There are many different types of therapy, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed by the terminology. You do not need to understand every model or theory. Instead, notice how the therapist describes their way of working. Do they speak in a warm and human way? Do their words feel clear and grounded? Do their values feel aligned with what you need right now?
For example, I work relationally-developmentally and integratively. In simple terms, this means we explore how your early relationships may have shaped the patterns you experience today, while moving at a pace that feels safe and manageable for you. The focus is not on rushing towards solutions, but on understanding and steady change.
You are allowed to change your mind
Even after a first session, you are not locked in. If something does not feel right, you are free to choose again. You do not need to justify that decision. Therapy works best when the relationship feels steady and safe enough for you to open up.
Final thoughts
The right therapist for you may not be the one with the longest list of qualifications. Often, it is the one your nervous system settles with, even just slightly. Someone who feels steady, present, and able to hold your story with care.
If you would like to see whether we might be a good fit, I offer a free 20-minute consultation. It is simply a space to talk and notice how it feels. You can book it whenever you feel ready to take that first step.